26/5/2017

亲爱地部落格，

这些日子里，我不知道我是怎么样地活着。

只知道我还有呼吸，还有生命，

但内心却空了，灵魂好像不在了，只剩空躯。

为什么？因为我失去了我生命中最重要的人

在人前，我总表现得很坚强，就像没心没肺似的。

是的，我不想要大家担心。

但更重要的是，我知道生活还得继续，

当大家都崩溃了，我就更应该坚强，事情还得有人去解决。

也在那时候，我深刻地体会到什么是痛到麻木，一点感觉都没有了。

当心被掏空，没有了灵魂的躯壳只想到要做好剩下的事情，

因为这是最后一次了，也是我所爱的人最后的愿望。

失去了一个比自己的生命还要重要的人，

让我对这个世界的很多执着，都放下了。

我开始明白什么才是最重要，值得我花一辈子的时间去珍惜，去经营。

到现在为止，每当想起，心都很痛，眼泪还是会掉下来，甚至觉得快要呼吸不了了。

但是我需要好好地生活下去，还有好多爱我的人在身边。

我答应的事，一定会做到。

你放心吧

下辈子，我要再和你相见，做牛做马，只为报答我这一世来不及尽的孝，

我爱你，胜过一切，谢谢你。

Life Stories for 1/3/2017

Dear Bloggy,

My life had been in real challenge and it is getting tougher and tougher.
Sometimes, I wonder am I doing the correct decision along the way?
All people said that I had been doing it right,
but why things doesn't seem to be working?

I knew that many things in life is uncontrollable & I shouldn't be asking this kind of question,
but sometimes I can't control myself to wonder why,
probably that's a way for me to maintain hope & is a reminder that it's time to learn how to let it go.

After chatting with the elder, struggles seems to be lesser somehow.
After all, being in a situation where u have no choice but u still need to make a decision,
all of your concern will no longer be on you but others.

Life is full of up's and down's, we can't predicted what will happened & what will not.
Neither do fair really exist, all what human can do, is trying their best to maintain fairness.

After going through all these struggles, I learn that when you have no one to rely on,
you have to stand back up quickly after you fall, cos life is still on going,
there r many things that you need to settle.
For you or for your love's one, you need to stand back up no matter what & no matter how.

I am an emotional person, it makes things worst cos I care a lot.
But life makes me learn that no matter how broken you r, for the sake of ur love's one,
u need to smile even when your heart had been broken into pieces,
or how heart breaking is the situation right in front of you,
smile, cos this is what that's help to ease all the pain.

What hurt me the most was not how my life was mess up or how many challenges I need to faced,
nor losing you. The most heart breaking moment was seeing you struggle and in pain yet I am unable to help you out. How I wish I can replace you to withstand all the pain and yet I can't.

The idea of losing you is terrifying, probably by then I will collapse.
But seeing u struggle all the way make my heart ache,
I rather choose to lost you than seeing you suffer.
I rather choose to collapse than you have to suffer.

I'll be by your side, no matter how hard, how tough or how difficult the situation gets,
I promise I will not leave you.
I really love you, with all my heart.
Tho I know no matter how much I love you, your love towards me is much more greater.

I promise I will take good care of myself,
cos I still need to stay healthy to take care of you.
I want to be by your side every single day,
altho it meant that I need to see you suffer.
Tho I can't help, but I will accompany you through everything.
You will see my smile everyday, listen to my voice and look at my childish behavior,
each and everytime u open ur eyes.
Tho u can't speak now but I will talk to you everytime u wake up, till u fall asleep again.

I LOVE YOU, FOREVER.


Regards,
Chrislina Ng


 

Is Been A While

At first, I thought I lost this account.
With a little bit of searching here & there, I managed to log in (Yeah for me!)

Well, how's life?
that's a tricky question.
A mixture of everything, I supposes?

Let's just start with some basic ones. (Easier...Maybe)
I'm currently a Msc student in Great Britain (Wow, this place is totally Fab!)
Surrounded by kind & open-minded ppl, clean & beautiful environment,
that's just Awesome :)

Some ppl ask me abt discrimination issues,
Tbh, it didn't occurs to me here so far.
In fact, they r all super nice & considerate (I thought I was dreaming when I 1st came here)

Within this 1 yr (Almost), tones of things happened.
Life is full of surprises that's all I can said.

At least, most of my encounters here r good,
I managed to make some really close frds within 1 month time (that's a blessed),
we look after 1 another, spent a lot of time together,
 do crazy stuffs, always be there n support each other etc.
I remember 1 of my close frd here, we just met & talk for like 5 mins, we already like an old frd to each other, many ppl thought we alrdy knew each other for a long time, lol (life is amazing, huh?)

Each & every1 of us grow, in a fast pace.
I think that's the thing most ppl got when they r overseas.
Thank god that my journey here r more towards the positive than the negative.
I can said that my 1 yr of life here is fab, I felt the pure happiness & freedom within me.
Even though studies were not easy, but that's another question (that's motivation!).
Thank god for looking after me.

There r always up & downs in life.
Unfortunately, the down parts happened back in my country.
I lost 2 of my beloved family members (grandma & godfather)
within few months time of me being here.
Things doesn't seems to go better after this,
in fact, the worst thing happened.

But, I am still here, trying my best to cope with everything that happened.
I believed in hope, that's the thing that pushed me to keep going
since I was just a little kid.
I'll take this as a challenge, with a grateful attitude.
Life is not easy, but it had a lot of beauty in it.
One thing to keep in mind, never lost urself in the journey of life.

Be strong & keep on getting stronger, that's wat challenges give you.
U can be heart broken, sad, desperate, helpless, but remember, u hv to get up after this.
Not only for u but also for the 1 that loves u, even when they r no longer with u,
but trust me, they will always be in ur heart, forever.

I cried, desperate, feeling like the world is crushing down,
the same helpless feeling when I were a kid.
I know I cant change the fact, but I will try my best to do everything I could.
Never give up even when u feel helpless.

I'll do wat I had promised & pls wait for my return.
Pls take good care of urself & be strong.
U r always my beloved, strong & beautiful woman.
Thx for everything u scarifies for us,
dont be afraid, we will always be with u no matter wat happened.

I just wan to let u know that I love you,
u know that u were the most important ppl in my life.
I'll be strong, that's the girl that u educate & who puts u as her role model.

if u r sad, I'll be there to hug u.
if u r afraid, I'll be there to support u
if u r desperate, I'll be there to calm u down.
if u feel helpless, I'll be there to help u no matter wat.
Is my turn to protect & support u.

U have all of us who loves u so much, pls be strong.
I have faith in u just like u have faith in me,
I'll do my best so do u.
Pinky promise?

N thank you for every1 that provide supports & help during this difficult time.
We really grateful about it.

2014

This new year was unforgettable,

We had lost our beloved aunt the night before new year.

All of us were mourning about her death,

crying in pain at SJMC.

When I received all the greeting for new year that night,

I was covered with tears and pain for the lost of our aunt.

Seeing all friends were full of joy welcoming 2014,

I wish I am too.

I replied some greetings but not all,

when I typed "happy new year too",

I am not happy at all,

but I don't dare to tell as I don't want to spoilt their happiness.

None of my friend knew about it except 1 friend.

Unluckily he asked me where am I that night,

& I told him I'm in hospital.

Initially we thought that my aunt still able to survived through CNY,

but she passed away all of the sudden.

She had been fighting against her cancer for 13 years.

This 13 years was full of pain & suffer.

Although we lost her, but death may be a relief for her.

She is a kind & generous women,

her whole life was full of sacrificing & helping people without hoping for any return.

Even until her last stage,

she was worrying about others not herself.

The night she died,

everyone cried.

I never seen my dad & all uncle's cried so hard before,

the desperate look on their face was clearly seen.

My cousin was there crying & saying "mommy, please wake up, please."

All of us were so heart broken & tears running down our face.

If heaven do exists,

I hope my aunt will lived happily there.

Keep in mind & find the answer in the future

After these few days, my feeling is getting better.

I sumhow accept what they told me.

I still don't agree but I hv no reason to explain to them.

When my explanation is like dun really change their thought in the 1st place,

I noe no matter wht I said later wont change much,

thus I just shut my mouth up.

Once u're been label, is hard to take that away from ppl minds.

What I am sad of is because the thing that my frd told me.

seeing that word makes me think back abt my past.

When I am replying my frd's msg, my tears keep on falling down.

I didn't notice that after a while when I found myself finding for tissue papers.

That time, the memory of my past keep on repeating in my mind.

All the pain & hard feelings came back together with the memory.

I sumtimes kinda surprise that how can I manage to cope with it 

when i were in such a young age that time.

1 of my peers who encounter the same experiences 

had try to suicide that time but not succeed.

I noe my frd is just being realistic & dun wan to be judgemental on anything.

Maybe the experiences he had in his life makes him think of all kinds of possibilities.

I am not as mature as him & I dunno what he had encounter in his life just as same as 

he dunno what I had went through in my past & the impact of these experiences had on both of us.

I can't be judgemental as well or hold strongly on my own points of view

without considering other's opinion & other possibilities.

Maybe I really will become like that in the future? who knows?

But wht I can be sure of is now I am not.

My past had taught me a lot of things & it is a symbol of who I am right now.

& only the ppl who went through the same past will truly know how is feels like.

It is because of these experiences, that's why we noe how painful it is 

& we dun wan any1 else to had the same feeling as us...

I will keep in mind of everything & I believe 1 day, I will able to find the answer. 

No matter I remain or I change, I'll accept it. 

emotional time

Within these few weeks, many things happened around me.

My friends having problems & me myself also.

Sometimes, I do wonder why all such things happened?

Oh well~ this is life, right?

I know I shouldn't be the 1 that are complaining,

since my friend's problem are much more worst.

Actually I am sad for my friends.

My problem doesn't matter that much.

Seeing thing getting worst & worst, but u can't help in any ways.

This feeling is horrible.

I know this is not the 1st time I experience this kind of feelings,

But u know, no1 would want to experience it & no matter how many times it occurs,

the feeling wont get weaker.

Your friends are with u all the time & everytime u think of them but u cant help,

it makes me angry abt myself. 

Desperately wanted to cheer them up but their situations are really tough. T______T

Sometimes, I just wan to give them a hug, but I know if I do this,

they will cry non stop.

I just hope luck will be with them & miracles will happen.

Irene Chong Fui Shien

HELLO, MY DEAR!

I remember that u said u can't find photos of u and me.
This is because all the photos are here with me, hahahahaha.

Let you review one of the photos:

Wahahahaha! remember where this photo is taken?

hmmm... see who's next:

This is YOU! LOL!

We are sorry for this. Because that day we forget to bring your photos.
So, can only use this to pretend is you, LOL.

I'm sure you're now feeling curious about this potato chips, hahahahaha.
Dun worry, u'll know what is this in the future, HOHOHOHOHO.

Ok, now i'll put the photos of our friends one by one, let u refresh back ur memories,hehehehe.

first:

hello. xD

That time was Estherina birthday, we bought this dress for her.
Oh ya, talking about dress.
The tube dress that 3 of you buy for me(dunno is which year birthday present),
I havent receive it till now, LOL.
Estherina is going to bring the dress for me during my 21st birthday party. =-="
Sumore she ask me to wear it during the night, i dunno whether I still can fit in or not,LOL.

Next:

Our Cutey & Fair PY!

This was taken during the 学术学兿展.
3 of us was the member of diabolo society that time & you have become the member of cheerleader society.

Talking about that, I let u see the photo taken before u perform/ after perform? I forget.

haha! remember which performance is this? *hohoho*

Ok, let's put a group photos.

Ta Dah!!

I can't find the photos for 4 of us, maybe PY is holding the photos.
So, I upload another photo la.

Taken in LRT when we are going back home.

HL is here too! hahaha!
I still remember each & everytime u "bully" me,
HL will said: "I dunno how to help u, BH." T________T  *U laugh loudly*

Frog come in next!

When u're at my hs, u always take my big bear bear,LOL.

Hahaha, I let u see some photos I have take when both of u are staying in my hs.

Froggy

hahahaha, both of u cook & I'm the one who eat. HEHEHE.

Fui Shien.

Froggy dun wan to take photos.

I miss ur spaghetti... *SOB*

Cute princess!

OMG! I love this photo! is so cute,hahahaha!

Of course, owl next:

hohoho, i nearly forget we got take this photo.

Update: Owl is now studying in the same Uni with me,hahahaha.

Let u see one ugly photo:

HELLLOOOOO!!!

Miss us or not?
have ur memories refresh?

actually, I got some photos that we take in the room during Pangkor trip.
But I dont dare to upload here because i scare all of u will whack me,hahahaha.

Lastly, let u see something. u'll be curious also,hahahahahaha.

Whopss, What are we doing?!!Do it sounds familiar? LOL.

 Ok, I end this up with ur photo.

gud stare. xD